


Anaxiphilia

by denmarkthepuffpastry



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, References to Addiction, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4559553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denmarkthepuffpastry/pseuds/denmarkthepuffpastry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>anaxiphilia<br/>noun<br/>love for or attraction to unsuitable mates</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Emil knows that he has to leave Mathias for once and for all. But having given him one last chance, Emil awaits to see whether Mathias changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anaxiphilia

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for an English project about human vices, the negative consequences of influence and other Dorian Gray-esque themes.
> 
> AU where Iceland and Denmark are human and live together as a couple in Las Vegas.
> 
> Mathias - Denmark  
> Emil - Iceland

“You’ve changed, Mathias.”

“Changed how, Emil?” The voice over the phone was slurred and barely audible - not an unusual occurrence.

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath before replying, “You really think I don’t know?” Instead of a proper reply I received a mix between a sigh and a grunt from him. After waiting a couple more seconds, I sighed too. “Fine. I’ll be home soon. I love you.” Receiving silence as a reply, I reported it but it made no difference and I let him be.

Waves of betrayal and disappointment swept over me and I started making my way home through the neglected streets of Las Vegas. Long ago the night had engulfed the city, the cacophonous sound of the vehicles shooting by being the only sound heard. By this time all the sensible citizens were gently dozing off into their limitless id, getting ready for the next morning, yet here I was; restless and disconsolate.

I was not the only one who was desperately wondering the wide streets of the city: men trying to stay balanced through the resilient powers of inebriation and the shame of gambling the last of their virtues; women selling themselves on the sidewalk in return for anything that could liberate them; people exchanging soporific substances in the arcane alleyways, as if their sordid compulsions were free to roam the tenebrous town. If one was to delicately observe they might even hear the city’s concealed heart beating and pumping viciously. It is a common misconception that cities drift off to their slumber during the nighttime but they are very much still awake and alive, only with darker emotions and motives. The darkness makes human beings feel secure and so brings out the worst in them.

My mind wandered back to the man awaiting me in our home. Every day that I spent with him slowly tortured me into hysteria; abused me into self-loathing; was the reason for my nightly excursions to get away from him. Yet no matter how far I ran or how much I tried to emancipate myself, his grip on me was stronger with each of my agonising attempts. He was a hurricane and I was trapped in his never-ending cycles of pain. It were not his fists but the vile words and actions that left a permanent trauma in my mind. Why was I not enough for him? Why did he need to disappear into the dead of the night to philander with piteous girls? why would he always come back to me drunk, different hallucinogen in his blood every time? _Why was I not enough?_

 Mathias started transforming into the monstrosity that he now was just weeks after we changed from the bright, peaceful skies of Northern Europe to the wild, chaotic streets of Las Vegas. As the cities changed, so did he. His pleasures turned into addictions, his virtues into vices. Nights became darker for both of us as love faded and turned into his attempts to swallow and stomach my unwanted presence. No matter how much I needed to get him out of my system, I was never able to for he was as stuck with me as much as I was stuck with him. My love for him was big enough for both of us. We were made for each other like Yin and Yang. The Moon and the Sun. The abuser and the abused.

The journey home seemed endless and I saw no point in returning to him. The restlessness would not leave my body and I began to tremble with my thoughts passing by like traffic in my mind. Some people are afraid of death; I was afraid of him, the anticipation of what I would walk into consuming me like a plague. The echoing questions in my head were ceaseless. How many empty, shattered liquor bottles would be there? How many call girls would I find hiding in our house? What substances is he relying on today?

_Drugs._  The supposition boomed through my head. The tides of the tsunami that was deception have swept over me and were immediately replaced by the aftershock of fatal fear and perturbation. He did it again. As I struggled to remain composted, even running became a challenge when all my senses were determined to work against me. My sight was blurred; my paranoia creating a million voices that all told me to abandon him. Street after street I had to force my legs to keep working and my lungs not to quit on me. Street after street the savage thoughts had devoured me piece by piece. Street after street I had suffered more and more, but I never seemed to get any closer to Mathias.

Until there it was - the door of our house being lit amongst the dark of the night. Staggering to the door, my hand trembled violently as I tried to get the key in. No matter how immovable I made my hand, it would not go in and at that point the ear completely dominated and paralysed me. Unexpectedly the lock clicked and the door swung open, exhibiting my only family left sitting across the room from me. Yet, as I got closer, Mathias remained motionless; his face that was once handsome was now reflecting all the wrongdoing that he has ever committed.

And at that point I knew that he had done it again.


End file.
